"A little off the top" means bald in France

Left: me, getting my first French haircut. Far left: both of us at dinner afterward. We're the bald guys.

Yesterday afternoon Brad and I decided we needed haircuts. It had been three weeks, to the day, and God forbid we should be a day late.

I knew it would be quite an experience, since the odds were against getting an English-speaking barber. The first words out of my mouth, as always, were, “Parlez vous l’anglais?”

“Non.”

“Great!,” I said in English, and continued knowing he wouldn’t understand a thing I said. “Then could you please shave my head bald and then paint a big target on it before slitting my throat while pretending to shave me?”

“Oui, oui, Monsieur!” he said, gesturing to where I was to sit.

“Oh, and by the way,” I added, “my friend here will also need a haircut, but I’d like you to dye his hair green first, please.”

“Oui, oui!”

At this point Brad felt it necessary to get in the act, and launched into a long string of French which resulted in the barber looking at me sadly and shaking his head. While sitting there, I realized Brad had probably said, “This poor man is a mental patient and, as you can see, he got hold of the scissors and cut his own hair. Can you possibly tidy it up a bit before we take him back to the mental hospital?” The barber then proceeded to give me a haircut closely resembling that of a tennis ball. Photos attached.